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[24 Jan 2005|11:20pm] |
MOVED.
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) my_cocaine
Chances are that screen name will end up as annoying as this one, but at least it doesn't have the back entries.
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[24 Jan 2005|05:43pm] |
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music |
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depeche mode - the dead of night |
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I have no idea what to say any longer.
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[23 Jan 2005|05:43pm] |
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mood |
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 devious |
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music |
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diary of dreams - chrysalis |
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My taste in women. Heh.
My taste in men. Especially Victor on the far left... Oh so pretty.
Darin is probably my favourite member 'cause, come on, read the music list, and there isn't one thing in his profile that I'd disagree with (except maybe Anne Rice, but I can let that slide since Queen of the Damned was so hot).
I'm just way too excited over a band again. Ignore this.
(Thanks to Sarah [starlit_rain] for having freakishly similar taste in music and recommending some damn good/hot bands. I swear I'm moving to Maryland next year.)
I'm probably way too shallow to be considering one of the most intellectual colleges in the country.
But I did finally finish my book after an all too lengthy hibernation period, so that's a good sign. And I'm considering writing a book report on it for fun, so that's a better sign.
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[22 Jan 2005|01:21pm] |
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mood |
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 crushed |
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music |
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bauhaus - st vitus dance |
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It might be a tad easier to finish my book if I could just stay awake after four pages.
And I'm so close to the end!
I shouldn't be struggling this hard just to finish a damn book.
And I think a screen name change is in order. This one is starting to piss me off.
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[20 Jan 2005|04:09pm] |
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mood |
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tired. |
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music |
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therion - schwarzalbenheim |
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I'm hoping I'll be able to make it through work today.
I am feeling a little bit better than I did earlier today. I ended up crying harder than I have in months, though... must have needed it.
Tomorrow though, I think I'm going to stay away from the house all day, if possible. Maybe I'll catch the bus down to Sam's Town and see a movie, or something. I think Closer is playing there (Natalie Portman = <3), and I desperately need to get away for a while.
Then maybe I'll just wander down Boulder Highway and get picked up by some bikers.
Tempting. Very tempting.
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| Annie Dillard |
[17 Jan 2005|11:36pm] |
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mood |
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 happy |
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music |
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the prids - liezencages |
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Eskimo: 'If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell?'
Priest: 'No, not if you did not know.'
Eskimo: 'Then why did you tell me?'
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[16 Jan 2005|09:02pm] |
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music |
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siouxie - cities in dust |
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Today at work, I suddenly, literally, truly craved math.
...
So during clean-up, I pretended to straighten out the math section and picked out a couple of math history books.
When I told my mother of this, she said, 'That's because you're weird.'
I know where it came from, though. The other day, we had a conversation in the car about Pythagoras and the importance of math in the world.
I love telling people the story of how Pythagoras was killed by beans. That really gets me. And I just generally love me some Pythagoras.
I'm happy because someone just tried to download this entire mix. I'm a good mix-maker then, apparently.
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[16 Jan 2005|08:28pm] |
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mood |
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 bouncy |
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music |
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therion - schwarzalbenheim |
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This album is making me love music again. (Secret of the Runes)
Wow. I thought I fucking knew what symphonic metal was.
And this song is in German! I have no idea what it is about the sound of that damn language that just... It rolls. Or something.
I don't know. Nor do I care. I just can't get enough of it.
I don't think the whole album is in German... I think I know enough of the language to be able to recognise it, and I don't think all of the songs are. Unless they're like Qntal in that they only sing in ancient languages. Will scurry over to their website after I'm done here.
I shouldn't post this because, well. This is the kind of crap I post too much. But I guess I want to remember when I listened to certain music. And stuff.
It's just nice that, now being on cable, I have entire albums at my fingertips. I downloaded three already today. Killing Joke's first album, Qntal's first album, and now Therion. Piracy rocks.
People are downstairs talking. The father of my former best friend (from god knows how many years ago), I think. It sounded like his laugh. I feel weird and rude because they're downstairs, and here I am with the door open and my headphones on. In my purple robe. And pajama shorts. And if they decided to come upstairs and admire the brand spanking new cable box (A MUST SEE), I'd be highly visible. Unfortunately, brand new cable boxes are exactly the type of stuff that he and my father would get a kick out of.
I don't understand men.
Sometimes I wonder whatever happened to her, where she is in life. If she grew up at all. Perhaps gained some common sense.
I should unplug my headphones and blast them out with my opera metal. Haggard would be better, because it's all serene at first, then suddenly BOOM really bad, tinny metal and vocals that honestly sound like immature little boys who belch the alphabet. I think that'd raise their eyebrows a little higher than Therion would.
Moving on.
I'll end this here, because when I start getting silly I always regret it later.
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[14 Jan 2005|12:12am] |
Alright.
Music (and anything related to it) is officially banned from my life until further notice.
It's poisoning me.
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[14 Jan 2005|12:06am] |
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Sorry, Tim. I just threw the headphones on the floor, rather violently, right in the middle of one of your songs. I can't say it won't happen again.
I still love you.
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[13 Jan 2005|01:29pm] |
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mood |
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devious |
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music |
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dark tranquillity - monochromatic stains |
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I feel sexy in my black tank top, purple skirt and Spongebob knee-socks.
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[12 Jan 2005|06:02pm] |
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music |
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ministry - leper |
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The scratch on this cd goes perfectly to the beat.
But, of course, it is Ministry, so maybe it's not a scratch?
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[12 Jan 2005|04:49pm] |
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mood |
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satisfied |
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music |
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death in june - to drown a rose |
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Where did this life suddenly come from?
I have a boy's phone number on an orange Post-it stuck to my monitor. I don't want to keep it, but I have other important info on that damn piece of paper.
I also opened a savings account (no, I didn't have one before), and I'm starting a class on the 25th. Hour-long bus ride across town at 7:30 am, but I know this is going to be worth it.
I saw the classroom... Straight out of a music video. It has a green chalk board. I haven't seen a chalk board in years, and the last time I did (fifth grade, I think), it was black. I was so giddy about that damn chalk board you wouldn't believe. I've always been used to dry-erase boards.
(This heart says 'MUG ME'. What the fuck does that mean? I'm guessing it's a typo?)
I'm broke now but I'm happy.
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[12 Jan 2005|04:04pm] |
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mood |
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hopeful |
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I am officially a college student.
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| i get along |
[12 Jan 2005|12:08am] |
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music |
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the libertines - the good old days |
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It's odd that I find myself so much more comfortable around gay men than anyone else.
I've always had trouble looking people in the eye when they speak to me, and have to consciously tell myself to actually look at them. But not him. He made me smile, without trying to just be polite. I smiled at him even when I knew he wasn't looking.
It was nice being in a school again. Surrounded by boys that I should probably be attracted to but aren't. This city breeds the blonde babes and punk boys with skateboards that I just don't want to be around. But it was nice to finally be around people my age. Finally see the generation that I'm expected to be connected to.
But there was a boy that was hanging around that I deperately wanted to talk to. I wasn't drawn to him in the 'Oh look, a boy, I subconciously have to develop a 10-minute-long crush on him and then brood in the car ride home that I'll never see him again' way. He was closer to the complete opposite of what I like in people. I just wanted to converse with him, because I've been getting better at it. I kicked myself for wanting to use my father's infamous line, 'You look thrilled.' I wanted to change it and say, while he's wandering around aimlessly waiting for his sister in the admissions office, 'You look like you're having fun.' Might have opened something. Might have at least gotten me a smile and nod of acknowledgment. But he never wandered close enough to me for me to speak without raising my voice. Yelling at a strange boy across a rather large lobby wouldn't have been very lady-like.
At work the other day, a man asked me to hold his books/cds while he went to the restroom. When he came back, I accidentally dropped one or two of the cds at his feet, causing a 'Whoops' and playful smile/laugh. 'My fault,' he said. I told him that no it wasn't, they slipped from my hands, after all. He headed around the corner, but before he lost sight of me he turned, smiled and said 'You're very pretty!' I laughed and said thank you, and I swear I must have still been beet red for five minutes after he left. Throughout the day I randomly smiled at his comment, but at the same time wondered why am I not appealing to people my age? Or am I, and they're too shy to say anything? Maybe the older people are more bold, knowing that not saying something gets them nowhere?
Or, and this is the more likely situation, are all the boys my age so used to drooling over Britney Spears posters and the blonde babes in math class, that they don't even recognise a brunette with glasses as a member of the human race?
Probably so. This is Vegas, after all.
So I'll just sit here and then later throw a veil over my head, light a few candles and blast my goth rock like a good little outcast. Oh yeah.
I just suddenly had the urge to listen to Fuck the World.
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[11 Jan 2005|07:52pm] |
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mood |
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 excited |
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music |
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type o negative - black no. 1 |
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Looks like I persuaded another person to buy Strain.
If anyone else wants an mp3 just let me know. Who knows, maybe you'll fall in love like everyone else seems to be doing.
Oh, and this is worth the $10 for the Mindless Faith track alone.
It feels like none of my entries have really had any meaning, but I don't really like talking about my day to day life. Stuff has been happening, but it seems pointless to really write about. Looking back at the past few entries I guess they haven't really been meaningless... But it still seems like I'm being boring.
Oh well.
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| 'URA STAR' |
[11 Jan 2005|04:40pm] |
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mood |
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 lethargic |
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music |
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killing joke - darkness before dawn [SONG OF THE MONTH] |
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I'm sitting here, eating candy hearts that I bought behind my mother's back at the grocery store and thinking about who I want my valentine to be. One of two people; wouldn't really care which. Both seem completely out of the question.
The pink hearts are the best. The white ones bring back Wengert memories [my second elementary school], but the writing isn't as bright, and it seems like they lost flavor.
It's okay because I never liked the white ones anyway.
Scratch that: The yellow ones are the best. Artificial banana is my life partner.
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[09 Jan 2005|07:17pm] |
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mood |
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 creative |
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music |
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the awakening - dark romantics |
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I love how certain people that you don't even know can make you want so much more than you would have otherwise.
Like theatre. Sudden strong urge to do something in theatre, backstage. Even haul junk around and call it 'helping'. Just be a part of it, somehow.
And how certain songs can make you want to turn out the lights and burn a few candles. (Regardless of how corny the song may sound after a while.)
I want to lay in the grass and watch for shooting stars. There's just something about this moment that makes me want to lay on the ground. With somebody. Don't have to speak any words, just lay there. Just know I'm not alone anymore.
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[07 Jan 2005|11:13am] |
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mood |
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 tired |
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music |
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abney park - the root of all evil |
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I guess this is where I lose all confidence, paranoia sets in, and I retreat back into my shell.
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[05 Jan 2005|09:14pm] |
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mood |
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sleepy |
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music |
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nothing. sound overload. must read. |
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I find it amusing that when I explained what this entry was actually about, he completely stopped talking to me.
I might be in Portland somewhere around March 19-27. Hopefully by myself, but more than likely with my mother. I don't want to make actual plans in case it just doesn't happen (typical with this family), but if anyone wants to get together while I'm there, let me know. Even if I go with my mother, I should be able to get away from her for a while.
PRAY FOR ME SO THAT I CAN GO ALONE.
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